Lifted

Alright here's a long winded story about a little girl named Jill. (Yes, it's me.) Let's go back to grade 9. One morning, on my way to school, my hand and leg on the left side started going numb, followed by tingling. I didn't think anything of it, until it spread to my face. I couldn't talk right, I was slurring my speech, and I was scared. Shortly after the tingling sensation, a pounding migraine set in. Little did I know that would be the first of many.

I went to the doctor, who didn't really know what was going on, so he sent me to a lot of specialists. After many appointments, MRIs, and lots of days spent in my basement, I was done. I was done emotionally, physically, and mentally. My desire to keep fighting was wavering; there wasn't an end in sight because we didn't know why they were happening in the first place. 

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland came to speak in Lethbridge, Alberta at a youth conference that spring. I don't remember much about the talks, but he left an apostolic blessing that the righteous desires of our hearts would be fulfilled. That blessing gave me a sliver of hope to hang on to, something to grasp when I just wanted to feel better. My healing wasn't immediate, but it was miraculous. I didn't change anything (I had tried but nothing was working), yet I was able to function. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, holding to that promise and holding to Christ. The migraines spread out, and the daily headache nearly vanished. I am still affected by them, but they are no longer nearly as crippling. 

If you're still reading this, props to you. I'm almost done, but I have to tell you something. God does what He says He will do, whether it be through Him or through one of His servants. His love is real, it is wonderful, and it is saving. The gospel of Jesus Christ lifts us up, and empowers us daily, whether we are struggling or are more stable at that point in time. The redeeming power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to forgive us of our sins and mistakes is real, we can repent and He will remember them no more. The only way to find true, lasting joy is through Him. He will lift us up when we can no longer walk alone. I'm grateful for His love, and the peace He brings to me!

He Will Help Us

The best way to know if the gospel of Jesus Christ is for you is to live it as fully as possible. 

If you're struggling with anything, He will teach you through the Holy Ghost. 

If you are lost, lonely, afraid, sorrowful, hurt, angry, broken, bitter, anxious, depressed, scared, or resentful, He will help you overcome those feelings. He has felt them, and He is mindful of you this exact second. 

If you are struggling to find peace, joy, comfort, patience, love, faith, or hope, turn to Him, and He will fill you with those things as we come to Him with a humble heart and are willing to change. 

If you have a desire to change, and be forgiven of the wrongs you have done, He will help you. You haven't gone far enough that His redeeming power can no longer reach you. 

If you are struggling with your testimony, read the word of God, whether that be ancient scripture, or the words of modern day prophets. In fact, April 1st and 2nd, our prophets and apostles, who are God's humble servants and mouthpieces will speak to us live at 10 am and 2 pm. Tune in! 

If you are in the same boat as me, and struggling to know what the best plan is for you, and what paths you should take, hang on. As we strive to obey God's commandments and align our lives so our will and His will are parallel, we will be guided and He will direct our paths. We can't just sit and wait for an answer, we need to keep acting, and keep working hard. 

If you don't know if God actually cares about you or has a hand in your life, I challenge you to find a notebook or journal, and write, "Today I Saw The Hand of The Lord in My Life When:" At first, it might be one line things where you know it could not have been a coincidence, but as you keep working on this, it will become apparent how huge of a role God plays in your life. Miracles will be recorded on those pages, both small and grand, and you will gain a testimony that God cares about you, and that He knows you personally. 

I know that as we turn to Christ, and make an effort to feel after Him, and find Him, we will find He is not far from every one of us. We will be empowered by the gospel of Jesus Christ, and we will be so overwhelmed with love for Him and for the gospel, we will want to share it with everyone. It saved me, still saves me literally on a daily basis, and I know without a doubt it can change your life for the better. 

CHS Gym

Dear Cardston High School Gym,

Thank you,

Thank you for being the first place I made friends when I moved here seven years ago. I attended a basketball camp, one of many you have hosted, and met some lovely people who shared my love of the game. These people I first met there are still some of the best friends I have and I am still close to them.

Thank you for teaching me about patience. I have realized that the game takes hours upon hours upon hours of work to become better, and that it doesn't come overnight. My shot won't be 100%, but it is better than it was when I started shooting. The world right now seems to think that everything needs to come fast, or it isn't worth it, but you taught me otherwise.

Thank you for teaching me to work hard, and not just hard, but harder than everyone else. I refuse to be outworked, and part of that came from you. Sometimes that work is put in alone, and sometimes it is when Coach (whoever that might have been over the years) says, "On the end line." I have dreaded those words for years because of what was coming next, but I will miss it, because that end line has been where the success of any team I have been on has been earned.

Thank you for letting me fall, and teaching me how to get back up. I have rolled ankles, hit my head hard, and left copious amounts of skin on your floor, and I appreciate you being kind enough to let me fall. It may have hurt both of us, but now I know that regardless of what occurs in my life, I will be able to get back up, and keep fighting. I have taken my fair share of falls on the basketball court, but they haven't been in vain.

Thank you for giving my teammates and I a place to bond. I don't know how many times I have been nearly on the floor from laughing so hard, or how many buckets of sweat I have shed, or how many tears have fallen in an effort to make each other better, and be there when one of us needs the others. We have each others backs no matter what.

Thank you for letting me interrupt your quiet moments. I know they are few and far between, as you are used for many, many hours a day, but those times where it is just me are wonderful. Bounce, bounce, two feet landing and taking off again, ball released, net snapping, repeated over and over and over. There's something special about that, something therapeutic, something that makes me feel the energy that lives in you, something that makes me feel strong again.

Thank you for always being there for me. Whether it be the morning after a loss, or one of the times I felt like that was the last place I wanted to be, or when I felt broken, or when I needed to relieve some built up stress, you have always been there, steady and consistent.

Thank you for being there for my teammates. It doesn't matter if we are going through breakups, or insanely hard classes, or health problems, or tough family situations, you are always there, ready for our chaos.

I feel the same energy inside you when the gym is packed and the crowd is wild and the score is close, as I do when I walk through on the way to class. It's just part of the magic, and the spark ignites regardless of the situation. I'm going to miss being inside of you every day, as my basketball career is coming to a close.

Thank you.

God Wants to Hear From You

God wants to hear from you.

In D& C 18:10, it says, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” He cares about you, he cares about your issues, he cares about the days you can’t put one foot in front of the other, he cares about the days our joys overcome us, he cares about the trials and the struggles we have, and he cares about your testimony. Why? Why would God, an Almighty Being who has created worlds without number, care about you? Because you are His child. Dieter F. Uchdorf said, “Just think of it: you are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!”

God wants to hear from you even if you don’t feel good enough. There are days where I don’t feel like I’m good enough, or smart enough, or strong enough, or kind enough, or pretty enough to accomplish what God has set in front of me to do. These days are days it is essential to hit your knees and ask God to help you overcome your weaknesses, and He will. He understands that this world can be overwhelming, as we are constantly bombarded with everything imaginable from all angles of our lives, and He is willing to help us. In fact, He wants to help us. He wants to help us see our worth, as His child, and if we turn to Him, He will allow us to understand and recognize our worth. If you don’t feel like you are good enough to talk to God, that is precisely when you need to. There is a quote from H. Burke Peterson that I love. It says, “You were preserved to come to the earth in this time for a special purpose, not just a few of you but all of you. There are things for each of you to do that no one else can do as well as you - if you will let Him, I testify that our Father in Heaven will walk with you through the journey of life and inspire you to know your special purpose here.”

God wants to hear from you when you feel joy. He wants to celebrate them with you. He wants to hear that you overcame an obstacle, no matter the size. He already knows, but He wants to hear it from you. Maybe your exquisite joy derived from a baptism, or a birth, or a marriage, or graduation, or any other monumental event, but perhaps your joy is found laughing with family after a long and stressful day, or going to visit a wonderful place, or attending the temple, or helping a friend, or sitting in a sacrament meeting. No matter the grandeur, He wants to hear about your joy. Don’t be afraid to pray because you don’t feel like you know what to say, or how to say it, or what the proper way to pray is. Those things will come as you pray more often.

God wants to hear from you when you don’t feel worthy to pray to Him. Recently, I have been studying the New Testament, and I love the parable of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. In the story, there are two sons. One remains righteous, and steadfast, while the other leaves his family, spends all his money, and returns home willing to be his father’s servant. When his dad sees him walking, he runs to him, and proceeds to prepare a large feast for him. Glen Fitzjerrell said it best, “Jesus told the story of the Prodigal Son to make a simple point: never mind what you’ve done, just come home.” The son was not expecting a feast, he was willing to be a servant for the rest of his days, he just needed a place to go. He was lost, and looking for a home, and he found one with his father again. Similarly, we can each turn to God in search of a place to go, and He will take us in and take us back. He will not forsake us. In Acts 17:27-28, it reads, “That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move, and have our being...for we are also his offspring.” Sometimes, we each find ourselves feeling lost or unsure of the next path to take, or door to go through. God isn’t far from each of us, He just requires us to feel after Him, which requires trusting in Him and His plan. God still wants to hear from us even when we have made mistakes, some of which we may feel are “unforgivable.” Besides murder, or denying the Holy Ghost, that simply isn’t true. Christ suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, died on the cross, and was resurrected, sealing his mission, and atoning for our sins. He has already suffered for them; they have already been paid for. We need to humbly return to Him, and He will make us clean again. I have been the person laying in bed, staring at the ceiling all hours of the night, feeling lost and alone and, for a lack of a better word, empty. I felt that God wouldn’t want to hear from me until I had completely and totally repented of my mistakes, and overcame each of my temptations, because God is perfect, so why would He want me to speak to Him when I had so many shortcomings? I felt that God expected me to overcome all my temptations and trials on my own, and after I had done this, I could return to Him. I felt broken. I had a friend tell me that God will pour out blessings, literally opening the windows of heaven, so much so we don’t have room enough to receive them, and he also said that the amazing thing about this gospel is we get credit for trying. God will forgive us as many times as we humbly turn to Him and ask for forgiveness, He will help us heal, and He will cleanse our souls. Sometimes, we put up an umbrella through pride, or not obeying His commandments, or allowing Satan’s lies airtime in our minds, resulting in blocking the showers of blessings from heaven. I realized this was what I was doing, and that God did want to hear from me, and He did want to help me through the process of coming back to Him, because of my worth to Him as His child. I felt so much love for Him, and my Savior, and peace in my heart. This feeling is indescribable and in that moment, the suffering of both mind and spirit we have endured will be forgotten in the joy the Atonement brings. Satan and his followers would have us believe once we have sinned, God no longer wants to hear from us, and that is a lie. God wants us to return to live with Him, and He wants us to come back, because we are of great worth to Him.

God wants to hear from us when we feel broken. Those days we don’t feel like we can put one foot in front of the other without falling are crucial days to speak to God. God’s love is incredible, and it knows no bounds. It cannot break the irrevocable laws of heaven, but it is available to anyone who is remotely searching for it, no matter how lost they are or how broken they feel. God is always good, even on the really tough days. Perhaps broken is a broken heart, perhaps broken is a broken body, or perhaps broken is a mind which feels broken. In Luke 15, the Savior also teaches about the lost sheep. The shepherd will leave the ninety nine in search of the one, because of it’s worth to the Master. Dieter F. Uchdorf said, “The sheep is worthy of rescue, simply because it is loved by the Shepherd.” Maybe the one we are searching for really is lost from the group, wandering in wayward paths, but maybe the one is lost within the group, unsure of its place or role. Maybe the one is lost because it feels it has failed, and we need to find it to remind it that failure is not fatal, and it is not final. Maybe the one is lost because it feels lost in its own mind, unsure of how to go about controlling the emotions which overcome it. Whatever the case, God is searching for the one, so the rest of us probably should be to. More often than not, someone is praying for these lost sheep, begging God to bring them home. Sometimes, in order for this to happen, God needs someone who is willing to be an answer to someone else’s prayer. That’s where the ninety and nine come in. At some point, I feel the majority of us are the one, lost and broken, and looking for someone to help us, because we are unable to help ourselves at that point. Continue to press forward, continue putting one foot in front of the other, continue keeping your focus on the Savior, continue in search of God. The Atonement of Jesus Christ not only has the ability to cleanse us from sin, but to enable us to go on longer and farther than we thought possible. It can carry us when we cannot walk on our own anymore, and I am forever grateful for it.

God wants to hear from you. You are His child, you are enough, and you can do whatever God sets in front of you through the Atonement, and through praying and turning to Him.

Jeffrey R. Holland said, “No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us - insecurities, anxieties, self-image and all.” I add my testimony to his, and testify that God knows each of you, He knows your joys and sorrows, your successes and your heartbreaks, and He loves you.

Please know that God wants to hear from you.

16 Things I Learned in 2016

Wow, I don't think I've ever had a single year where I have learned so much about myself, and my gratitude for that is great. So, without further ado, here's sixteen things I have learned in 2016.

1) Be present and be engaged. This seems to be a challenge society faces today with social media always being there. It can be an absolutely fantastic thing when used correctly. This year I have learned that although social media will always be there, precious moments with friends and family won't. It is so important to be all there in these moments, because the memories will be far greater than seeing the latest post, which will be there when you're done, too. I promise.

2) God will send angels to assist us. Although some are unseen, and are literal guardian angels sent to protect us, and help us, and carry us, some are most definitely seen every day. I have been blessed this year to come in contact with some of these angels. Each of them have been an answer to my prayers time and time again, and I am so very thankful for them. They are fantastic humans, and they make life so much better.

3) Never underestimate yourself.  You can do hard things - really hard things. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You are powerful, and capable.

4) Always look for the good. Look for the good in others, and look for the good in every situation. It's there, even if it is just a small silver lining. Life will change as one sees the good.

5) Trust God. Everything happens for a reason, and it's so essential to let go of what needs to go, and embrace the next opportunities in life. They will come.

6) Say yes to new adventures. Whether that means you pack up and leave, or if you try a new kind of ice cream, say yes to new adventures. There is probably something wonderful that you will love, and it's so important to go find it, whatever it may be. Step outside your comfort zone, climb a different mountain, and never turn down the chance to live through another adventure.

7) You are loved. Even when it seems the world is against you, there is someone out there more than you could possibly imagine. There is someone out there who has your back, and who would do anything to help you out in a bind. These people are fantastic, and I am so grateful for them.

8) Tell people how you feel. If you are grateful for someone, tell them. If you appreciate what they do for you, tell them. If you admire a quality they have, tell them. If you love them, tell them. It could change their whole day, they might need to hear it more than you know. Even if they don't, it's always nice to know, you know?

9) Balance. Although maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important, ice cream is fantastic as well. Although I absolutely love rodeo, and basketball, sometimes a break is necessary. Balance in all things can be, well, a balancing act, but it needs to happen for physical and mental health to prevail.

10) Find joy. Joy is to be found in the day to day details, and not just in the "events" or "episodes" of our lives. Never give up. Keep going forward. Go forward with hope and an attitude of faith. Find the grit you need, and keep grinding. Life is fantastic, and there is so much happiness to be had.

11) You are worth it. You are beautiful, even on the days you don't feel like it. You are worth it, today, tomorrow, and always, and don't let anyone treat you like you aren't.

12) Everything will work out. If you don't know what to do with your life, or where to start, or what to do, know that as you move forward with goals and dreams, pieces to the puzzle will start to fit. You will see why nothing fit before, and everything will work out in the end. If it isn't working out yet, it's not the end!

13) If you like the picture, post it. Post it even if you already posted that day, or the day before, or if your friend posted a similar one. If you like the picture, post it. The "rules" about social media are overrated. Don't become obsessed with likes or comments or retweets or collection updates. My social media accounts are mine, and if you don't appreciate my rules (which are nonexistant) I'm fine with that. I post what I like when I like because it means something to me!

14) Failure is not fatal. Mistakes, to some extent, are inevitable. Failing does not make you a bad person, or a failure, it means you took a risk and it didn't work out. Dare to stand up, dust off, and try again, this time with the new knowledge you acquired because of your fall. Failing is not going to kill you, so dare to fail on a large scale. Set yourself up for success, but if you fail, it's totally okay!

15) Unlikely friends can be the best kind. I have a few new amazing friends from the last year who could definitely qualify as unlikely friends. Don't let that stop you from finding fantastic people.

16) Pursue excellence. Whatever you set your mind to, do it fantastically. Don't allow mediocrity to become a regular occurrence in your life. Do things on a grand scale, and allow yourself to dream on that same scale. Life is a wonderful thing that needs to be lived, not just survived. Excellence is around every corner, so don't settle for less. Don't finish books that aren't worth it, don't do things that aren't worth it. Live fabulously, and pursue excellence.

I hope you enjoyed these, or learned something from them. Here's to an amazing 2017!

Hallelujah

The thoughts behind this post derived from the song, Hallelujah, by Jeff Buckley. The song itself is catchy, but the lyrics are a little bit weird. Regardless, one line in this song particularly caught my attention: "And love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."

Just so you know, hallelujah means God be praised.

 Let's replace love with life, or learning to love God, or becoming more Christlike. Any of things seem to fit in to the line, as none of these things are easy at any given point in our lives, but especially when life is hard.

Becoming more Christlike, or learning to love God is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah, not because we are alone in the endeavor by any means, but because it's difficult, and can seem impossible and extremely daunting. There are days when our efforts may not seem sufficient to us, but as we continually work towards the quality we are so desperately trying to achieve, God will assist us in our efforts. People are not out to show off their Christlike characteristics, at least I would hope not! That would entirely defeat the purpose of striving to become as He is, since humility was often used to describe Him. Throughout His life, I'm sure there were moments where He felt alone, and cold, and possibly broken, but without fail, He continually praised the Lord.

When we each make an effort in our lives to continually praise the Lord despite, or rather, in spite of our circumstances, we will see that we are most definitely not alone. Whether it be in a calling, in a job position, in parenting, or in any other struggles, we are not asked to accomplish what we need to alone. There are times when we feel that we are not doing enough, or worse, we are not enough. I promise you that you are enough. With the help of God, you will be able to overcome the obstacle, no matter now insurmountable it may seem, you are facing. During the times we feel we are not doing enough, or that our efforts are not making a difference, we need not fear, but rather continue pressing forward, continually singing praises to God. On those days when we feel we can no longer sing them aloud, we should sing them in our hearts. It may seem like it would be easier to just not, to hide and retreat, but this is not for the best. God will assist us, and He will carry us when we cannot walk alone.

As we head into the Christmas season, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a new initiative called Light the World. It starts December 1st, and the goal is to provide service on a global scale on each of the twenty five days before Christmas. If you are interested, more information can be found here. There are a lot of people around each of our communities, or perhaps in our families, that are doing their best to continue forward in their lives, but their spirits need to be lifted, and this is the perfect opportunity to reach out and help. Maybe these people are not people we know, but maybe they are, and they need a little effort from you to lighten their spirit this season.

Life is not a victory march, it's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah.

Failure Is Not Fatal

I have been thinking about failure and how people respond to set backs lately, and a couple recent conversations reopened the vault in my mind again, so brace yourself!

We all know that mistakes in this life are inevitable, and we are supposed to learn from them and try not to make them again, and when you make one you are supposed to say sorry, and blah, blah, blah...Am I right?!

There has to be more to it than that! It isn't just about trying to avoid the same mistake, it's about allowing the mistakes to change us, to change our behavior, to change our thought processes. It's more than trying again, it's trying again with a renewed desire to be better. Mistakes can be, and often are, preparatory stages in our lives, so we are better able to handle similar scenarios the next time they may present themselves in our lives.

I'm going to share three points about failure I feel are important.

1) Embrace mistakes to a certain extent. Dare to take risks, even if it may not turn out the way you imagined it would. Sitting still, and never doing anything in order to not make any mistakes is a mistake in itself, so I don't recommend taking that route. Getting outside of our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to be necessarily vulnerable will inevitably lead to mistakes of varying size, but in that process, we can learn from those mishaps and let changes occur in our lives. Although taking risks is important, and indeed, essential, we need to make sure we aren't taking risks just to take risks, because that isn't the point. There are times and places to take risks, and times and places not to take risks. This judgement comes after we allow ourselves to grow after we fail. There is a point after failing in which we can develop a better version of the person we are, but we have to choose to work at it; we don't magically become whole after being broken without some healing, or some time. Mistakes are inevitable, but we need to be careful to only take necessary risks.

2) Failing does not make you a failure. Failing means you stepped outside your comfort zone and experimented with something new, and it didn't work that time. There's a chance it could happen next time, so don't give up. If you stick your neck out and take a risk, and it doesn't work out, I applaud you! It's hard to do things that doesn't have guaranteed success, it's scary and leaves you feeling vulnerable. You are not a failure, even if you make mistakes. Success and greatness are built on failure upon failure upon frustration upon occasional catastrophe. Don't give up, don't give in, don't quit. (Unless you are trying to sew something, in which case, it's totally acceptable to quit.) You are remarkable right now, you were remarkable before your last failure, and you will still be remarkable after you fail again. If you fall, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. And again. And again. Eventually, if you continue to work hard, your time will come. Don't let failing at something convince you that you are a failure.

3)Failure is not final, it is not fatal, and it is not forever. This is pretty self-explanatory, but I am going to suggest that perhaps the "failure" is actually a door of opportunity which may not have otherwise been opened. The very thing we failed at could lead us to greater prospects further down the road.

Henry B. Eyring said, "If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill." It's going to be challenging, it's going to test you, and there will be times you will fail. Don't give up! You can do things you never imagined possible, just don't give up.